When your child is showing some awareness that she/he is weeing or pooing in their nappy, is doing proper wees rather than continual dribbles and perhaps showing more interest in using potty or toilet, start to think about toilet training.

Toilet training is one of the most emotive areas of child development. Do not get upset about it. There is a huge variation in the ages when ordinary children are ready for potty training, let alone children with special needs. Other parents will talk about their own child’s successes and you may feel pressure to start toilet training, particularly from people of the older generation who tried to potty train earlier. Ignore them and think only of your child, their needs and development stage.

As well as your child being ready you must think of your own needs:

The Theory

Once you start you should not stop but persist, however long it takes. However, if you find you have misjudged the timing and your child is clearly not ready, stop, go back to nappies and try again in three to six months time.

You must praise successes to the skies and ignore failures

Be as relaxed as possible. It is important not to get cross or to show any kind of annoyance or frustration at having to clear up mess because it can be counter productive, making your child upset and uncooperative.

You need a word, sign or symbol to indicate ‘toilet’. It might be the work toilet or wee, or you could use the makaton sign or your own personal sign or word. Eventually you will want it to be generally understood. If your child does not yet understand

Be Patient

It may take days, weeks or months. However long it takes there may be lapses for a long time afterwards. Changes of routine, too much excitement, illness, different drinks and environments can make toilet training go to pot (if you will excuse the pun) for a few hours or days.

The Practice

Show your child what to do. Take them to the toilet with you and show her your wee and poo. You can even use the potty yourself for a bit.

Put your child on the potty when you think you might have some success. For instance, if you know they always do a poo after lunch, take their nappy off and put them on the potty then. See what success you have.

At some point, however, you will have to take the plunge, stop using nappies altogether and put your child on the potty, either when you think you might have some success or very frequently (maybe every half and hour to begin with).

Dry at Night

There is much you can do to make your child dry at night except wait for them to do it themselves. If you notice her nappy is dry consistently in the mornings, remove nappies at night and see what happens. Try the following ideas to establish a good routine or if things start going wrong.

• Put your child on the potty last thing at night and first thing in the morning.
  
• If they wet the bed at around waking up time, set your alarm for thirty minutes earlier than normal and get them up to wee in the potty to re – establish the routine. Once dry again gradually move the alarm setting back.
  
• Leave a potty in their bedroom so they can easily get up to use it.
  
• In the winter when it is very dark your child may not want to get up to use the toilet. Leave a low wattage light on somewhere useful so they can see their way to the toilet confidently.
  
• Use mattress liners and half sheets to ease changing wet sheets in the middle of the night.
  
• Use star charts and other rewards if your child has the necessary level of understanding.

Resources: Durand, V.M. (1998) Sleep Better! A guide to improving sleep for children with special needs. Baltimore, M.D. Paul H Brookes
Ferber, R. (1986) Solve your child’s sleep problems; A practical and Comprehensive guide for parents, London; Dorling Kindersley

Points to remember

Sometimes it can be very difficult to get a child to sit on the potty at all. Try entertaining them with something they love reading books, singing games or blowing bubbles together them on the potty and to keep them there for a few minutes.

When you start potty training it is tempting to put nappies back on when you go out, but ultimately you have to make the commitment to toilet training and remove them totally. It is too late for a child to work out that when they have a nappy on she can wee in her nappy but when they don’t they must wee in the potty.

If your child soils their pants make sure you clean the poo into the potty to reinforce that the ‘poo goes in the potty not in your pants’.

Watch out that you do not make a reward out of a failure. Some children love seeing all the fuss involved with clearing up the mess. If that is the case, exclude your child from the scene as soon as you can without upsetting them and then clean up.

Some children learn to wee in the potty first, some to poo first and some to do both simultaneously. There is no right or wrong order. There is nothing you can do but be patient.

If your child’s toilet training seems to be going backwards, increase the level of praise again to regain momentum. It could be that you have got out of the habit of praising success.

Ignore accidents totally and don’t get upset if they don’t do anything on the potty. When your child does do something in the potty praise them excessively, if possible get the whole family to admire their achievements. Really overdo the praise with smiles, clapping, shouting etc.

As a parent you may be able to recognise that your child wants to go to the loo by her body language such as scratching the groin or manic behaviour. Use these clues.

That’s all there is to it. You just want to catch some poo or wee, praise them and the praise will encourage your child to repeat their achievement when they are placed on the potty.

Initially, you will control when your child goes on the potty. It is a nuisance for you to be forever remembering to put them on the potty but it is also a pain for your child so they will learn to say ‘no’ when you suggest it and she is not interested.

My son used to pull his trousers straight back up again and then learnt vehement head shaking as a response to ‘Do you want the potty?’

Eventually, your child will be able to tell you that they want to use the toilet but initially they will only be able to give you short notice. Even if it’s too late, never mind, just praise them for telling you. Gradually they will realise their needs more easily and give you more notice. Carry a potty with you wherever and don’t be embarrassed about getting it out and using it in public. It is a lot easier than dealing with a child who has wet or soiled pants.